Drained

I don’t have a picture that has inspired me to write this blog today.  Instead, I’ve been provoked to rant for a second.  Last night I found a TED Talk that talked about a therapy called Deep Brain Stimulation for Treatment Resistant Depression, which is the condition that I have.

I don’t know which emotion to feel first.  Anger, confusion, excitement, exhaustion, and tentativeness are all welling up against the dam at the same time.  In short, the treatment has been approved for OCD, but has shown remarkable results in TRD (my problem), as well as Parkinson’s.  You can see the differences in people in the TED talk itself, which I will post the link in a second.

If this is available, and works like the research has shown, I don’t know why they would let people feel the way I have for so long.  I know that when I am not in a “low”, I forget exactly what it’s like to be in the middle of the all-consuming black hole that lets no light in called depression.  If I can lose perspective of what it’s really like during a “bad day”, then I can only assume that people can not possibly understand unless they have been there themselves.  That is the only reason I can think if that would allow these doctors and government to be ok with the way I, and so many, feel so much of our lives.  At least I hope that is the reason.  Along with depression comes a conspiracy theory way of looking at the world, thinking that the cards are stacked against you no matter what you try or which way you turn.

Parkinson’s, depression and the switch that might … – TED.com